A humble guide to unempolyment

Marian’s Guide to Unemployment

Step 1:

Eat cake with your coffee while listening to Frankie Cosmos. Make sure to document it so you can post it on instagram so that you can wait for everyone to like and comment and tell you it will be ok, you’ll find a job, you’re employable, etc.

Walk around in your sweatpants at 8 AM because your body has been trained to wake up at this time for the past…well…FOREVER.

Wait around for the one event you scheduled all day.

Try to edit those photos you promised Victoria you would edit, try to start back up on your blog, check email compulsively for any news back on jobs you’ve applied to, stare at pile of laundry you said you would fold two weeks ago, stare at pile of dishes in sink you said you would do when you woke up, work on packaging that short story you said you would package, stare out window debating on whether or not you should apply to the coffee shop next door, stare out window debating on whether or not it’s too early to have a beer, check clock and realize it’s only 9:50 AM, annoy the sh*t out of everyone by asking them what they’re up to on a Monday at 10AM, send all the sad/crying face emoji’s to your best friend and read her response telling you to suck it up and stop whining, sit around wondering if everyone at old job will be able to finish the projects you were handling, become unhealthily overwhelmed and turn up Netflix and crawl under a blanket.