2 Months

Two months. In exactly two months I will be twenty nine. Not thirty, twenty nine. Of all the ages that I though would scare me, twenty nine was not one of them. It wasn’t even remotely on my radar of ages that are terrifying. I have no idea why twenty nine scares me.

Actually, I know exactly why. I can list the reasons why, I just don’t know WHY those reasons bother me, since they shouldn’t.

-I am nowhere near being able to own my own house

-I don’t have children

-I am not working in my “career” job

-I don’t have a savings that I can rely on

This is not where I pictured myself to be by the time I turn thirty. I remember turning eighteen and thinking that by the time I was twenty five I would definitely be working a career job, have two kids, a house, a dog, a cat, and be on my way to the life that you’re supposed to have when you hear the word “adult”. Then I turned twenty five and laughed at my naiveness and realized that those things are WAY harder than you think they are. And I thought “For sure, by the time I’m thirty I’ll definitely have at least my own house, or a career job, or one of those things”. And here I am, one year from thirty, and I realize that those thoughts are just that: thoughts. It’s not for lack of trying. I work a decent job, I make decent money, I pay my bills on time. I live with my boyfriend and we have a cute, although small, apartment that we are proud to call home. We drink cheap wine for dinner and read travel magazines and wish that we could go to those places. We have signs in our living room that say things like “I’m so happy we both showed up here” and I truly am happy that we both showed up here. But student loans are crippling and crawling up the corporate ladder seems a lot harder nowadays than it used to be, and I can’t help but feel that I am falling short of where I should be by the time I turn thirty.

That’s why I decided to start this blog. My hope is that I am not the only one out there who feels this way. Turning thirty is not the end. Thirty is the new twenty, isn’t that a thing? Except that it’s not. Twenty was when  life was all about the short lived exciting moments and finding yourself and learning that you can’t always get trashed on a weekday and show up to work hungover and have someone take you seriously. I don’t want to do those things anymore. I am fully aware that drinking is reserved for weekends when I can wake up hungover and spend a full day in bed eating takeout and recuperating with water and Netflix. At the very least, this blog will help me record my feelings and thoughts and will serve as a good way for me to get out of my head and take a look at myself analytically. At the very most, this blog will connect me with others who are going through the same process and will help connect people and provide support, words of encouragement, calling me out on my bullshit, etc. Cheers to my first post and let the countdown begin to twenty nine!